If I Don’t Leave I Lose

Who knows what waits for anyone over the threshold of our front door? Ok, I leave through my garage with a push of a button. The first line sounded more dramatic. Either way what did you imagine in your mind after reading the first line?
Was it as simple as a twisted ankle taking the first step or was it grandiose horror such as opening the door to find all existence completely vanished other than your house?

If you were like me about 6 years ago then it was somewhere in between these such as failure at work, friendship, etc. Now this may come as a surprise to some, but it could be the house has been transported to another dimension where you are king (or queen) ruling with a gentle hand to loving subjects or maybe just the hope of a 5 dollar bill laying in wait just under the doormat blown there mysteriously by the wind. Somewhere between the king and the 5 dollars is where I am now.

I use to wake up and put on my shoes, sip my diet coke (my version of coffee), let the dog out, and take a deep breath and pray the beating I was about to receive from life would end quickly as I returned from my day to the safety of my home. For me this was caused by a couple of things. My health and my mind set (my ‘vict’). It was set to failure and misery before I even left so it should be no surprise when failure found me. Heck, I was looking for it.

I thought of shutting myself into sameness and predictability, but I realized that if I don’t leave I already loss. I can’t grow if I don’t go.

Then I realized I would attempt to hold onto one good thing all day. By doing this I found it easier to leave the sameness of my house. For me I started with a smile from one person. I looked for it I searched for it and 9 times out of 10 I got it from the first person I would see. That person was the girl behind the register that I stopped to see every morning as I got my breakfast. Till one day she asked me a simple question, “Why are you always smiling?” To which I told her “I didn’t realize I was.” She proceeded to thank me for making her smile and it dawned on me that I was smiling with anticipation that they would smile back. Because of that she smiled.

This whole time I was acting shut off and in turn I was shutting everyone else off. So next I thought I would try a “Good Morning.” I found myself saying it before others would even offer it then in turn I got it back 9 times out of 10.

From there I let my victor grow reset my mindset to the positive and before you knew it I was leaving the house confident in my success and the impending adventures that would await.

I’m not saying there aren’t bad days because there are. To be honest I just don’t notice them as much as I do the good days and it started with one foot out the garage. So I challenge you before grabbing that handle or pushing that button to change your determination of a catastrophe endurance to an onslaught of possibility. Even if it’s as small as anticipating a smile.

There are plenty of people telling you evil awaits around the corner. I encourage you to be the one to shine the light of possibility on that mythological boogie man and show others there is nothing to be scared of behind the closed door. If you don’t leave then you’ve already lost.

Remember to keep your ‘vict’ set to ‘or’ rather than ‘om’!


We Are The Champions, My Friend…

This Queen song is one of my favorites and it fits perfectly with the Victor mentality. Often times we just want to get the Championship ring just for stepping on the field.


Unfortunately, if you’ve ever played a sport, been in a pageant, or taken a breathe, then you probably realize that it doesn’t work that way.

You practice showmanship, basic functions, speeches, relationships, etc. on a daily basis and most the time you get it wrong, but the more you mess up the more you have the potential to learn.

Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Outliers” explores this thought, and more, with research and is a good read in my opinion. He states that it takes roughly ten thousand hours to master a particular field.

He outlines many different fields and well known icons that you never would have known spent that much time practicing to get where they are.

The truth is that no matter what your dream or what you imagine. The only person stopping you is you.

Queen’s lyrics continue with, “…and we’ll keep on fighting till the end.” It’s true you can’t stop. Even as a champion it only gets harder. You’ve set a new bar or a new standard. This means others will now know it’s possible.

It will become easier for them and harder for you. You will make mistakes as the lyrics suggest, he’s made a few. Others will come at you similar to as they tell you about sand being kicked in faces. However, you’ll come through.

Now I by no means preach Queen, but I do enjoy this and other songs as over played as this one may be at times, even today. Though it still has a great message to take from it.

Champions aren’t born through natural birth though it may seem that way at times. They are forged through mistakes, trials, failures, disabilities, and sometimes triumphs.

The only thing separating a victim and a victor as I describe them is on pushes on and the other stops.

To put it into perspective. For an average forty hour work week ten thousand hours is approximately four years, nine months, twenty five days, fourteen hours, and forty six minutes.

In 2009 I believe there was a study showing that men lived to be 76 on average in the US. That’s 15 possibilities to apply 10,000 hours towards mastering something by just 8 hours a day every day of your life. Women you live to be 81 according to this study so after he’s gone you can master something else at 8 hours a day.

There are endless possibilities if you apply yourself. I’d like to write a book and though I may be far from that at this stage in the game of “mastery” I believe these blogs in my free time will help me to achieve that goal as well as to hopefully help others achieve theirs along the way.

Thank you everyone that reads this blog and thank you for supporting my attempted mastery of not only the english language, but also of teaching and sharing. I hope you not only enjoy reading this, but take something positive from the posts.


Help Wanted – Hard Work & High Reward

I am looking for a new hire. There is no travel, there is no set hours, and you can perform the job from anywhere. Whether you are grocery shopping or laying out by the pool. Of course there is no cash involved, but the payout can be just as beneficial and at times priceless.

You probably thinking this is a scam, but it’s not. The job I’m referring to are random acts of kindness. While you may be rolling your eyes I can promise you that if you are looking for a way out of your situation or victim mindset then this can help.

I admit there are times I myself have to force myself to come about to perform the act and there are times I have kicked myself for not thinking about helping as the moment has passed. However, the more you do the better you will feel.


I rarely “feel” like helping someone before I do it, but I always “feel” good about performing it. Maybe it’s not selfless, but it’s sure not selfish. I’m not talking about throwing money at situations. This can help, but I’ve found it rarely feels as good as getting physically involved.

I often try to make time to help my friends out by patching a roof or by fixing a random item around the house, but I find holding a door, flashing a smile, handing someone something they’ve dropped, and other random things like this, while seeming effortless, can make a big impact on others whether they know it or not.

I have had a lot of people not even thank me when I do something for them, but a lot of times I’ve had others comment on what I did that weren’t directly effected by the random act, but just witnessed it.

When I was laid off with nothing to do, but work out and apply for jobs I would always try and do things for others. Little odds and ends and one gentleman from one of the volunteer activities I had gotten involved with saw me and asked what I did I explained to him my profession and he happened to work with a firm locally that he ended up getting me a job with. It is the best job I’ve had and has given me opportunities that I couldn’t have imagined 5 years ago.

This man works with another firm and still calls me to this day offering me jobs and while I appreciate it, and the offers always get better, I am completely happy with my current position and opportunities. That one act landed me a job when I was looking, but was not expecting it at that venue and it got me a job better than the one I had previously.

I also was never able during that two months to ever feel sorry for myself and become the victim of that economy. In fact it was the opposite, I felt like a rock star. I increased my pay from the previous job by three times and I was the youngest member in the company in that position all in a one year period.

On the opposite end of the spectrum I watched as a gentleman within the company got passed up for a position that he put his time and effort into and he use to ask me for advice at lunch and I remember him telling me he felt like the wind had been taken out of his sail. To which I responded it just meant he had to row till he found the wind again. It takes a little effort, but eventually it would pick back up. Also, by focusing helping on the new boss, no matter your stance, and helping him it would not only take his mind off the wrong that he felt, but it would also help the company.

Unfortunately he didn’t listen and became offended and left the company. Now if he would have just stopped looking at the situation as a victim the gentleman that took his position didn’t even last a year and this gentleman would have been perfect for the position if he’d have just stuck it out a little while longer. Instead he had the victim mentality unfortunately. Don’t get me wrong he was a great guy and great at his job, but just got stuck in that mentality at the time, which only hurt him in the long run.

I wanted to share both of these because one way to stop focusing on your situation is to focus on others and just reminding yourself that while there are situations that effect you they can only effect you to the extent you let them.

Pain is inevitable and lasts for a minute, but it’s up to you how long the pain will effect you by what you do after that pain to cause you to fail or succeed.

My father use to tell me there is no use in crying over spilt milk. He is right the milk spilled and the longer you look at it and cry the further it spreads. Same is true with focusing on yourself for to long. The longer you look at the pain the longer it will stay there and on top of that the more pain you will find.

Just remember no one is perfect and if we look long enough at ourselves we will find the imperfections and focus on them. Try not to focus solely on the situation at hand and how it affects you, but instead focus on the effects of the situation and the needs of others. That could include family, friends, or strangers. In the long run you will see the benefits yourself.

Remember life’s not a sprint it’s a marathon. Pace yourself, if you haven’t been training the way you should you’ll wear yourself out.

Victims of Circumstance

Ever ask yourself why me? Ever wonder why you feel like the victim of circumstance? I know I have.


I use to see people and wonder why they always seemed to be at the right place at the right time. I never could seem to get it right. If I was not in the wrong place at the wrong time I seemed to be at the right place at the wrong time or visa versa.

Trust me I get it. Just saying that makes my head spinning less thinking about it. That is till one day someone asked me why I always seemed to be at the right place at the right time at work. After laughing I asked what he was talking about. He went on to explain that I seemed to always know when something was about to go wrong at work.

Now to explain I am in the construction industry, and with as many horror stories I have heard or seen, I’m proud to say very little has actually happened to me or any of the crews I was over seeing when I was in the field. Especially since I’m in the electrical industry.

I told him it wasn’t luck I just knew when something didn’t look right or was in the wrong place to potentially cause an accident. I went on to explain I had just gathered the information over the years by many facets.

That got me thinking that while I didn’t see it as luck it appeared as luck to him because he didn’t know what I knew it just appeared effortless to him. Now to my friends who have worked with me over the years they knew I had my fair share of zaps.

I took that and started looking into other areas of my life. Such as relationships, finances, fitness, etc. I realized that while it may appear that the Quarterback on the field in the Super Bowl was in the right place at the right time he actually had been through his share of sacks to get there. The same was true with my work.

So I started to apply what I knew about how I got to where I appeared in the right place at the right time to other, less successful, endeavors in my life.

Here’s what I found to be the keys to my success at work and has since helped me to continue to grow in other areas that needed work.

I learned that basically I found out where to be and when to be there at work by generally two methods. The first being trial and error. The second was by being taught and applying the teachings. There are different ways that each of these appeared which I’ll dive into further later, but basically these are the two general categories each fall under.

It sounds simple enough, but you’ll be surprised if you actually analyzed your situations in the past that how often you tend to make the same mistakes over and over. As they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Now there are multiple levels and plenty of embarrassing stories I will share that will go deeper into these points. However, I challenge you to look at the areas where you want improvement and do the following things.

First look at one if your biggest set backs (I call them set backs and not failures. You only fail when you stop working at something) find a situation in your past with similar results and analyze what you did wrong. Don’t point the finger at someone else this isn’t that time yet. Just first look at these situations and find the common denominators.

A good example for you to look at in your life is relationships as a trial run. You may be married with kids now, but I can assure you that most of you have had a failure once or twice. Either way you can use the same principles in any area. Weight loss, financial ruin, the list goes on. I will use my embarrassment of a marriage and another relationship to guide this point through.

So my common denominator in both my failed marriage and long term relationship at one time was me and them cheating on me with my best friends (different friends) both times.

Now these were the obvious denominators and I naturally blamed them the first time on my marriage, but when the same thing happened again just two years later in my only other long term relationship since my marriage. I grew up on the saying fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me so I had to question was it them or me.

To clarify this incident took place around the same time as my epiphany of right place at the right time. So by past experience I learned that this lightning shouldn’t strike twice. So I sat my girlfriend, at the time, down and asked what I had done to make her feel like that was an option. After she picked her jaw up she continued to tell me how she felt. That I was emotionally unavailable and that she felt deep down inside that maybe this would get an emotion from me.

Now she and I agreed that was not the right way to go about that and I can tell you she’s not that type of person and has never done that since. I know because we are still friends. I could never trust her like that again in a girlfriend capacity, but she is a good person and friend.

So next I called my ex wife. She pretty much gave me the same speech and again we both agreed it was not the right approach, but never the less it was done. Now I can say that, after 3 years of not talking, my ex-wife and I are also still friends and pretty much family still to this day. She too has not done that to anyone else since.

I would like to point out that those so called friends are not around and refused to talk to me or I’d share why they thought that was ok. To be honest I think it was an opportunity in their favor at that moment and they took it. I do want you to realize that is my opinion.

After talking to both of them I analyzed which of my friends and family told me what in each situation. As I look there were clear warning signs from others trying to help me that I ignored in both relationships. Those are the ones I have counted on for advice to this day. I have not always taken it, but I have stopped to weigh their words before proceeding with certain things especially relationships.

In both cases I was taught and can say that, while I may still be in search of the right one, the particular situation has never happened to me again. Mainly because I learned not only by going through the situation, but taking guidance from others in proven marriages as to what to do, what to look for, how to act, etc.

The bottom line is if you want to succeed in fitness, trial and error combined with the teachings of someone physically fit will help set you up to be in the right place at the right time in physical prowess.

If you want to succeed in your career trial and error combined with the teachings of someone who’s in the position you want will prepare you for being in the right place at the right time in your career.

If it’s success in financial and spiritual growth the same things are true. I know because after failure in most these areas combining these principles in my life in these areas I have seen substantial growth. It started hard, but after training and practicing these in situations I have started to progress more effortlessly by habit.

If you’re like me trial and error may be the only way that makes sense at times, but I promise you that the easiest way is through learning from someone who has made those mistakes in the past and has learned from them.

I still think it’s good to put your own trial and error into things as well and that is because you never know what could happen and though others have failed does not mean you will fail. Just make sure you do it calculated and maybe one toe in the water at a time. The more you know about yours and others personalities, past experiences, and future goals then the more you can know how you want to proceed.

This all goes deeper and I plan on breaking it down further in the future, but I promise that these are good exercises to start you off. Who knows you may learn more than I know by looking at these. I encourage you to share comments to help myself and other readers grow and to become victors more so than we already are.

I Was Robbed at Gun Point!


Yes, I was robbed at gun point. I was pistol whipped, I had the cold steel of a barrel placed against my head and given a countdown of 3 seconds to live. I’m here writing this story, so I’m sure you can guess which option I chose.

Though it was not the choice of the car jacker’s that I chose, but it was more of an innate victor response that allowed me to survive.

I suppose I should explain. Let me start with the hormonal choices of a teenage boy that lead me to allow myself to be placed in this situation that opened the door for me to be a victim of the crime.

I was 17 so my choices were limited and I was grounded to further limit my options. For the life of me I don’t know why I was grounded, but knowing me, I’m sure I deserved it. I was allowed to drive my sweet ’92 Chevy Lumina APV Minivan and go to my girlfriend’s birthday party, but was to go straight there and come straight home and I had to be home before dark. Which considering the circumstances were not bad options.


The problem was I broke every one of these rules.

1) I did not go straight there. I picked up a female friend who lived close by.

2) I took her home afterwards even though there were other people more than willing to give her a ride.

3) My friend who I brought home was not to have boys in the house when she was home alone. While we followed the letter of the law we did blur the spirit of it by sitting and chatting on the front lawn.

4) We talked till dark and so as you can guess, I broke the “be home before dark” rule.

An interesting fact is, that while we were sitting on the lawn, 2 cars drove by hopping curbs and erratically navigating the open streets of the neighborhood. This lead us to the conversation of “What would you do if held at gun point?” To which I literally told her, “I’d wet myself, I’m not even going to act that tough.”

We concluded the night with her having to use the restroom and me deciding that the time being after dark was already pushing the limit of my parental guidelines.

On my way back to my hot rod (I say loosely) a car pulled up similar to the one that drove by about a half an hour before and a gentleman jumped out the back driver side with his shirt pulled over the back of his head and his hand (or so I thought) under the front of his shirt with a protruding silhouette pointed at me shouting something unintelligible. Though it embarrasses me to say so, I hadn’t fathomed this would happen to me, so needless to say I was in a minor denial state as to what was going on and just stared like a deer in the headlights. Until a gentleman stepped out of the driver side with the gun in my face demanding me to lay face down on the ground.

Well that I understood and at this point I brilliantly followed the instructions given to me and I laid face down and hands up with my keys on my index finger. The one man I could understand instructed me to stay down and the other two patted me down. This was the attempt to find the obvious buried treasure of a minivan-driving 17 year old boy.

Who was I to complain. I was finally getting the physical affection that I had hoped for that night. The affection was just not in the manner or from the gender I had been hoping to receive it from.

When they couldn’t find my wallet, one kicked me in the side and rolled me over on my back. I don’t know why, but I kept my face covered and when they asked why I quickly explained to them it was “so there was no confusion to the fact that I could not ID them”. At least I was hoping they’d believe that I couldn’t identify them, though seeing them pretty clear on their initial arrival.

They proceeded to ask me where my wallet was and I told them it was in my right front pocket. They dug around and when they couldn’t find it they asked again. I claimed someone had either already gotten it or it had fallen out during the confusion. They could not believe that one of them was withholding the wallet, I’m assuming honor amongst thieves and all. They told me to search the ground for it rather politely by giving me another swift kick to the other rib.

While searching they held the gun to my head and then hit me with it, causing me to see stars, out of frustration when I couldn’t find my wallet. The man informed me I had 3 seconds to find it or he was “blowing my head off.” I frantically searched as he counted down “1…2…3…” in the unusually long pause after the three, something snapped, and I was yelling at them to either shoot or go at the top of my voice.

This was my reaction and not a planned response. Looking back I probably would have just requested the latter part on its own. However, for whatever reason, it worked and they told me to quiet down and stay down till I heard both cars pull away. Which I patiently obliged.

Now while nothing I did deserved the crime that was committed against me I can say there were choices I made that lead to allowing myself to be in that situation.

All of these choices ignored the fact that everyone of the guidelines were in fact set in love for mine or my friends safety by our respective parents.

The first choice caused me to clearly abound on the guidelines set for me, but in such a minuscule way there seemed no harm. By detouring to pick my friend up there was a harm and it was setting a precedence for making choice number two easier to make despite my given boundaries.

Choice two was the one that brought me to the “scene of the crime.” If I hadn’t taken her home I would not have been there at all and they wouldn’t have had me as a potential target.

The third choice, while not a rule directed toward me specifically, was in place for a reason and had I respected that reason I most likely would have been home before dark in my PJ’s preparing to watching Quantum Leap reruns.

Which brings me to number four. The old “before dark” rule which I’m sure we all know personally. This was setting me up with the wrong time for my being at the wrong place in choice number two.

Again the choices I made did not justify these men in any way to commit their crime. Nor is it my fault they chose their criminal behavior. To me, they are a victim as well (‘vict’ is the mind set and ‘im’ is the choice to give yourself in sacrifice). By making choices to allow them to commit this crime they were a victim of their own mindset. However, I only have control over my own mindset and there are clearly things I could look at and adjust to ensure I was never on the business end of a handgun again.

Now in case you were wondering. They were caught about a block away where they parked my van and due to lack of witnesses later they beat the charges though they were arrested. I hope that they learned from it and moved on making wiser choices in all honesty.

As for me, my parents found out. (They were surprisingly not mad though I think they saw it as a learning experience and a testimony to following instructions.)

I had some sweet black eyes and bruises to show off at school and it was finals week giving me extra time to study.

The girl in the story grew to be one of my best friends throughout high school and not to mention from then on I was the only boy allowed in her house while mom and dad were not home. We respected their house for anyone thinking it.

Finally I got this amazing story to share with others.

In short we all cannot stop crimes committed against us, but we can make smarter choices to reduce the probability of them. We can all choose to let those uncontrollable circumstances either define us for positive by learning and growing from them or negatively by weighing us in that moment for days, months, or even years.

That’s not to say we don’t grieve or have a natural recovery period. It took me a while to ride with my windows down in that area, but I can honestly say I made a decision to not let it change my life out of fear, but to let me learn and grow from the experience.

Thank you for bearing with this one I know it was long, but I tried to make it as entertaining as possible for you. I’d love to hear your stories and feedback. Comment below and have a victorious week.

The Victim of Brotherly Love

I wanted to take this time to admire my little brother. This man has overcome so much and I can honestly say that this man has done nothing, but over come adversity and maintained a positive attitude through the whole process.

A brief synopsis is he had a rough childhood. His father wasn’t always there, but he did have a loving and caring mother and two sisters in his life. He has been over weight previously in his life and I remember watching him grow and being ridiculed for his looks on occasion. He also always did the “right thing” no matter what popular opinion may be which is, as we know, often considered “uncool”. He to this day doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and views his body as a temple.

To clarify he is my little brother through marriage, but I had the blessed privilege to watch this boy become a man and I deem myself lucky enough to have had as an influence in my life both as family and friend. Our history consists of working together, unemployment together, living together, seeing relationships through good times and bad together.

Through my blog you will hear me reference him and I want you to know him because watching him from the outside has been an inspiration to a lot of what I’ve learned.

He is the type of man that will drop everything to help you move and not ask for a dime. He has been through many situations over the years. He’s lived, literally in a closet (not in the term thought by most he is solely interested in women). He has been in a relationship where his first love of 5 years wronged him in a way I would find difficult myself to overcome, but he has done so with dignity and class. He has gone from a good career to working at McDonalds starting at minimum wage. All the while he kept a smile on his face and was one if the most joyful person throughout the process.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve seen him grieve and I know he was in pain at times, but I’ve seen his ‘vict’ (or his mindset) and the potential for that grief to allow an ‘im’ mindset (the victim) and I’ve seen him concentrate his mental focus to the ‘or’ mindset (the victor). He opted to smile when I know he didn’t feel like it or laugh when the situation, for most of us, may have dictated otherwise. He truly is a potential victim that chose to be a deliberate victor.

He has since gotten his own place, started on a career path all while successfully maintaining his goals in both his own mind as well as in the minds of others. He achieved both by being verbal about those goals and making them known.

Believe me when I tell you more than one person has chuckled hearing them for the first 109 times, but they are his goals and he’s stayed truer to them than most stay truer to a friend.

He may not see the successful man I see ahead of him, but I do. I see a man that through his goals and through adversity had remained unwavering. In return others have started to see the same man I see. What has started as a boy’s dream in other people’s minds has gradually become a man’s goals driven by passion and determination.

His goal may seem odd to others, but to him and I it has become fact. He is no longer over weight, he has set a goal to be an instructor of Jeet Kun Do and run a facility that allows others to follow and recognize their dreams through training in multiple ways. I don’t want to reveal his entire business idea because I believe it truly revolutionary to that industry and I know if anyone can do it, it’s him.

He currently is training 6 days a week and in every free moment he has, he’s going through the motions. He has a vision, before reaching this goal, to travel and find the roots of this principle and he is currently half way to the financial goal to make the learning voyage all over the world. All of which was achieved through his mindset and discipline, but most importantly by taking adversity and turning it into opportunity.

I am affected by this because no matter what I do and where I go, he is a factor in some of my decisions and drives. He positively reinforces the goals I have and I try to do the same for him.

I believe he has found the key to fight through adversity and that is solidifying his dreams. I encourage you to do the same. What ever the ‘ict’ potential situation is (the potential onset of the victim mentality) I ask that you focus on your goals by writing them down and reading them every day.

Make your goals a reality and a fact in your own mind no matter how impossible they may seem and when they become your reality then they can become the reality of those around you or it will at the least allow you to evaluate those around you. These goals though should be yours and yours alone (if married, spouses should be on board, but talking out the issue and making sure the concerns are voiced from both sides are important)

Just remember while others may not agree at first they will eventually have to admire the drive. If you waver or give up on this dream it will become difficult for all, including yourself, to remain supportive. Also, it can create a resentment for not only yourself, but for those around you. Ultimately it is your choice to fulfill those dreams.

Remember I believe you are a victor and not a victim no matter who you are. I would like to hear your goals comment them below. No matter how silly or impossible others may claim them to be.


My First Victim vs Victor Situation

These stories may seem silly, but some of these may be relatable for you from my life. However more so they can and will give you insite into the mistakes I’ve made along the way. This may seem a superficial, but as you read it I promise you that each situation I laugh at now looking back at them even small ones has made an impact in my life.
My first situation was one that I remember being so upset about at the time, but shortly after I found it rather hilarious and it was my first lesson in learning to not take my looks and what others thought at face value and as well not so seriously.
When I was about 7 or 8 we were visiting family in Pennsylvania we stopped by a McDonalds and got me an ice cream cone. While eating the cone I had gotten some on my chin and my loving parents broke out laughing uncontrollably in the restaurant which made me red faced as I had no idea why my parents were laughing at me. I got extremely angry and without thinking blurted out, what I thought was, a witty retort. It wasn’t at all, but then again I was young.
I was a tight wound child on my own accord. It was nothing my parents had done they were always supportive and positive. I was just always wanting to be the best and look the best at everything I did. So needless to say, I know the potential was there for me to have created a scene.
My parents both laughed harder which in turn made me look at the situation with humor and I realized that I was just making it worse by not accepting that in my excitement to devour the cone I had created a humorous situation at “my own expense”.
Once I realized how nice it was seeing my parents laugh. I couldn’t contain my joy and joined in on the laughter. Now at that age, and just how I was, I had the capability to create a tense and embarrassing situation for myself and my parents by throwing a fit because the people I loved were laughing at me.
I realized that while they love me I had done something that not only looked hilarious to them, but continually reaffirmed that what I had done was just cute to them. We continued to have a great day and it was a story I was sharing and continue to share this day.
Looking back I had 2 mind sets or as I call it my ‘vict’ in a short period of time. One was what I call the ‘im’ mentality (or a victim mentality) which would have just compounded the situation creating a more embarrassing moment leading to a potential ‘sass’ moment allowing disrespect towards my parents and embarrassing everyone in the restaurant and creating strife within our lives that day. We all have been a part of or witnessed a situation like this in a public setting and know the potential feeling it can emote. Which in turn would cause me to potentially lose that great memory I created with my parents, but more importantly to lose out on a lesson I carried through life. Not to mention a great visit to Gettysburg. Where my love for Abe Lincoln only grew.
The second was what I call my ‘or’ mentality (if you haven’t caught on which I know you have my victor mentality) which was believing they loved me and they were having fun with me and not at me. They loved me either way and were enjoying my company and I could have looked a total fool, but they wanted me around above all else. No matter what I did to look the fool they would not trade me for any other person in the world. This story, though I may not have understood at the time, got me through many rough patches worrying about what other people thought I was doing.
Today I know that there are many people who love me just the way I am and I have that mainly because I respect them for who they are. I am able to do things today others may seem weird, but my friends and family chalk it up to just being me. Even if it’s a mistake they know it’s not malicious because that’s not who I am. I’ve trained myself over many years to intentionally try to not be malicious and to try and put others above myself (though I have fallen short at times). There are times it’s rough, but that brief moment out ways the long term pleasure I receive from the right choices.
I encourage everyone to take time and to start to repair any situation by only looking at what you did wrong in it. Not to say others weren’t wrong in some capacity within the situation, but we can’t control them only ourselves. I couldn’t control my parents laughter, but I could join in and see the good or if they had meant it maliciously I could have stepped away and calmed down. Either way I had a choice to be the victim or the victor. I know we all have the capability of not only bettering our lives, but the lives around us by just taking the moment to analyze ourselves first before placing assumptions on others.


The victor mindset is based in hope. When we lose hope we lose the foundation and the tool that makes us great. People will call it false hope. People will call it pipe dreams. Don’t blame them they just don’t understand. They’ve either lost it, don’t want it, or they never had it. Similar to those that don’t
If this stirs something up inside that’s good. Grab that and hold onto it. It’s the necessity to becoming a victor. It’s the one thing that others cannot physically take from you without your permission. They have to tear everything you’ve built up in order to remove your foundation. It’s also the thing you’re going to build your life around and on that won’t always be remembered. How often do you remember your house, TV, walls, family, and everything else that you see in your home is standing on.
Now how you build this foundation is how your house will stand. If you build it on a philosophy that is sound and on a culture that thrives then you’ve built your foundation on solid ground. If you build on things such as vengeance and fear these are things you have to feed and tend in order for your foundation to stand.
I try to see the brilliance in anyone and everyone. They may not always exercise it or use it, but I try my best to see it. I may not know you personally, but I know for a fact there are two things you can do. There’s something you can do that no one else can or there’s a way of doing it that no one else can. You may not see it, but you feel it. You may not know it, but you sense it. You may or may not know what it is, but it’s there.
I challenge all of you to start hoping. Remember their a few things to remember with hope. The first is that similar to waters on a river bank people will go against your hope and erode at it to where you it can be shook. Similar there are those that will help and protect this hope. The key is while you can’t always stop the water you can surround yourselves with those that can minimize it’s damage.
The next thing I would like you to understand is that we all have hope as long as we are breathing. Every breath is a hope of another day and as long as we have hope the next breath is a gift. As a mighty oak can be cut down as long as we have roots in this world we have hope for another sprout to grow and rebuild.
Finally hope can be guided in one of 2 ways for better or for worse. This is the key that not everyone gets. We live in a society that can have a tendency to scoff at this thought, but deep down we all know it to be true. For better focuses on benefitting others and for worse focuses on hindering others. A lot of times we can hinder others by focusing on yourself.
There are a lot of things I’m excited to share with everyone. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to ask or comment the only way I can grow is to know.


In my life I have learned that 90% of what has happened to me, both good and bad, has come from my mentality. I would say that looking at every situation in the right light with the right mind set there is not a situation that has defeated me. From drug addiction to death I have been blessed to be given the tools to overcome these situations and turned them to positive victories in my life. While I had some guides to conquer these issues I ventured through these without too much help other than my own mindset. My goal is to share with everyone this mindset and views to help others come through this with less pain and more success than I have. I would like to warn most I am not perfect and this topic is one, that I’ve found’ is most liked to be discussed, but fewest actually liked to be corrected. Not everyone will like my point of view, but I promise it works. It has for me and my friends and I want everyone that is willing to, to replace the ‘im’ with the ‘or’ in what I like to call the ‘vict’ or in other words your mindset. So please feel free to ask and share and I want us to grow together in being victors.