Victims of Circumstance

Ever ask yourself why me? Ever wonder why you feel like the victim of circumstance? I know I have.


I use to see people and wonder why they always seemed to be at the right place at the right time. I never could seem to get it right. If I was not in the wrong place at the wrong time I seemed to be at the right place at the wrong time or visa versa.

Trust me I get it. Just saying that makes my head spinning less thinking about it. That is till one day someone asked me why I always seemed to be at the right place at the right time at work. After laughing I asked what he was talking about. He went on to explain that I seemed to always know when something was about to go wrong at work.

Now to explain I am in the construction industry, and with as many horror stories I have heard or seen, I’m proud to say very little has actually happened to me or any of the crews I was over seeing when I was in the field. Especially since I’m in the electrical industry.

I told him it wasn’t luck I just knew when something didn’t look right or was in the wrong place to potentially cause an accident. I went on to explain I had just gathered the information over the years by many facets.

That got me thinking that while I didn’t see it as luck it appeared as luck to him because he didn’t know what I knew it just appeared effortless to him. Now to my friends who have worked with me over the years they knew I had my fair share of zaps.

I took that and started looking into other areas of my life. Such as relationships, finances, fitness, etc. I realized that while it may appear that the Quarterback on the field in the Super Bowl was in the right place at the right time he actually had been through his share of sacks to get there. The same was true with my work.

So I started to apply what I knew about how I got to where I appeared in the right place at the right time to other, less successful, endeavors in my life.

Here’s what I found to be the keys to my success at work and has since helped me to continue to grow in other areas that needed work.

I learned that basically I found out where to be and when to be there at work by generally two methods. The first being trial and error. The second was by being taught and applying the teachings. There are different ways that each of these appeared which I’ll dive into further later, but basically these are the two general categories each fall under.

It sounds simple enough, but you’ll be surprised if you actually analyzed your situations in the past that how often you tend to make the same mistakes over and over. As they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Now there are multiple levels and plenty of embarrassing stories I will share that will go deeper into these points. However, I challenge you to look at the areas where you want improvement and do the following things.

First look at one if your biggest set backs (I call them set backs and not failures. You only fail when you stop working at something) find a situation in your past with similar results and analyze what you did wrong. Don’t point the finger at someone else this isn’t that time yet. Just first look at these situations and find the common denominators.

A good example for you to look at in your life is relationships as a trial run. You may be married with kids now, but I can assure you that most of you have had a failure once or twice. Either way you can use the same principles in any area. Weight loss, financial ruin, the list goes on. I will use my embarrassment of a marriage and another relationship to guide this point through.

So my common denominator in both my failed marriage and long term relationship at one time was me and them cheating on me with my best friends (different friends) both times.

Now these were the obvious denominators and I naturally blamed them the first time on my marriage, but when the same thing happened again just two years later in my only other long term relationship since my marriage. I grew up on the saying fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me so I had to question was it them or me.

To clarify this incident took place around the same time as my epiphany of right place at the right time. So by past experience I learned that this lightning shouldn’t strike twice. So I sat my girlfriend, at the time, down and asked what I had done to make her feel like that was an option. After she picked her jaw up she continued to tell me how she felt. That I was emotionally unavailable and that she felt deep down inside that maybe this would get an emotion from me.

Now she and I agreed that was not the right way to go about that and I can tell you she’s not that type of person and has never done that since. I know because we are still friends. I could never trust her like that again in a girlfriend capacity, but she is a good person and friend.

So next I called my ex wife. She pretty much gave me the same speech and again we both agreed it was not the right approach, but never the less it was done. Now I can say that, after 3 years of not talking, my ex-wife and I are also still friends and pretty much family still to this day. She too has not done that to anyone else since.

I would like to point out that those so called friends are not around and refused to talk to me or I’d share why they thought that was ok. To be honest I think it was an opportunity in their favor at that moment and they took it. I do want you to realize that is my opinion.

After talking to both of them I analyzed which of my friends and family told me what in each situation. As I look there were clear warning signs from others trying to help me that I ignored in both relationships. Those are the ones I have counted on for advice to this day. I have not always taken it, but I have stopped to weigh their words before proceeding with certain things especially relationships.

In both cases I was taught and can say that, while I may still be in search of the right one, the particular situation has never happened to me again. Mainly because I learned not only by going through the situation, but taking guidance from others in proven marriages as to what to do, what to look for, how to act, etc.

The bottom line is if you want to succeed in fitness, trial and error combined with the teachings of someone physically fit will help set you up to be in the right place at the right time in physical prowess.

If you want to succeed in your career trial and error combined with the teachings of someone who’s in the position you want will prepare you for being in the right place at the right time in your career.

If it’s success in financial and spiritual growth the same things are true. I know because after failure in most these areas combining these principles in my life in these areas I have seen substantial growth. It started hard, but after training and practicing these in situations I have started to progress more effortlessly by habit.

If you’re like me trial and error may be the only way that makes sense at times, but I promise you that the easiest way is through learning from someone who has made those mistakes in the past and has learned from them.

I still think it’s good to put your own trial and error into things as well and that is because you never know what could happen and though others have failed does not mean you will fail. Just make sure you do it calculated and maybe one toe in the water at a time. The more you know about yours and others personalities, past experiences, and future goals then the more you can know how you want to proceed.

This all goes deeper and I plan on breaking it down further in the future, but I promise that these are good exercises to start you off. Who knows you may learn more than I know by looking at these. I encourage you to share comments to help myself and other readers grow and to become victors more so than we already are.


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