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The Victim of Brotherly Love

I wanted to take this time to admire my little brother. This man has overcome so much and I can honestly say that this man has done nothing, but over come adversity and maintained a positive attitude through the whole process.

A brief synopsis is he had a rough childhood. His father wasn’t always there, but he did have a loving and caring mother and two sisters in his life. He has been over weight previously in his life and I remember watching him grow and being ridiculed for his looks on occasion. He also always did the “right thing” no matter what popular opinion may be which is, as we know, often considered “uncool”. He to this day doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and views his body as a temple.

To clarify he is my little brother through marriage, but I had the blessed privilege to watch this boy become a man and I deem myself lucky enough to have had as an influence in my life both as family and friend. Our history consists of working together, unemployment together, living together, seeing relationships through good times and bad together.

Through my blog you will hear me reference him and I want you to know him because watching him from the outside has been an inspiration to a lot of what I’ve learned.

He is the type of man that will drop everything to help you move and not ask for a dime. He has been through many situations over the years. He’s lived, literally in a closet (not in the term thought by most he is solely interested in women). He has been in a relationship where his first love of 5 years wronged him in a way I would find difficult myself to overcome, but he has done so with dignity and class. He has gone from a good career to working at McDonalds starting at minimum wage. All the while he kept a smile on his face and was one if the most joyful person throughout the process.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve seen him grieve and I know he was in pain at times, but I’ve seen his ‘vict’ (or his mindset) and the potential for that grief to allow an ‘im’ mindset (the victim) and I’ve seen him concentrate his mental focus to the ‘or’ mindset (the victor). He opted to smile when I know he didn’t feel like it or laugh when the situation, for most of us, may have dictated otherwise. He truly is a potential victim that chose to be a deliberate victor.

He has since gotten his own place, started on a career path all while successfully maintaining his goals in both his own mind as well as in the minds of others. He achieved both by being verbal about those goals and making them known.

Believe me when I tell you more than one person has chuckled hearing them for the first 109 times, but they are his goals and he’s stayed truer to them than most stay truer to a friend.

He may not see the successful man I see ahead of him, but I do. I see a man that through his goals and through adversity had remained unwavering. In return others have started to see the same man I see. What has started as a boy’s dream in other people’s minds has gradually become a man’s goals driven by passion and determination.

His goal may seem odd to others, but to him and I it has become fact. He is no longer over weight, he has set a goal to be an instructor of Jeet Kun Do and run a facility that allows others to follow and recognize their dreams through training in multiple ways. I don’t want to reveal his entire business idea because I believe it truly revolutionary to that industry and I know if anyone can do it, it’s him.

He currently is training 6 days a week and in every free moment he has, he’s going through the motions. He has a vision, before reaching this goal, to travel and find the roots of this principle and he is currently half way to the financial goal to make the learning voyage all over the world. All of which was achieved through his mindset and discipline, but most importantly by taking adversity and turning it into opportunity.

I am affected by this because no matter what I do and where I go, he is a factor in some of my decisions and drives. He positively reinforces the goals I have and I try to do the same for him.

I believe he has found the key to fight through adversity and that is solidifying his dreams. I encourage you to do the same. What ever the ‘ict’ potential situation is (the potential onset of the victim mentality) I ask that you focus on your goals by writing them down and reading them every day.

Make your goals a reality and a fact in your own mind no matter how impossible they may seem and when they become your reality then they can become the reality of those around you or it will at the least allow you to evaluate those around you. These goals though should be yours and yours alone (if married, spouses should be on board, but talking out the issue and making sure the concerns are voiced from both sides are important)

Just remember while others may not agree at first they will eventually have to admire the drive. If you waver or give up on this dream it will become difficult for all, including yourself, to remain supportive. Also, it can create a resentment for not only yourself, but for those around you. Ultimately it is your choice to fulfill those dreams.

Remember I believe you are a victor and not a victim no matter who you are. I would like to hear your goals comment them below. No matter how silly or impossible others may claim them to be.

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My First Victim vs Victor Situation

These stories may seem silly, but some of these may be relatable for you from my life. However more so they can and will give you insite into the mistakes I’ve made along the way. This may seem a superficial, but as you read it I promise you that each situation I laugh at now looking back at them even small ones has made an impact in my life.
My first situation was one that I remember being so upset about at the time, but shortly after I found it rather hilarious and it was my first lesson in learning to not take my looks and what others thought at face value and as well not so seriously.
When I was about 7 or 8 we were visiting family in Pennsylvania we stopped by a McDonalds and got me an ice cream cone. While eating the cone I had gotten some on my chin and my loving parents broke out laughing uncontrollably in the restaurant which made me red faced as I had no idea why my parents were laughing at me. I got extremely angry and without thinking blurted out, what I thought was, a witty retort. It wasn’t at all, but then again I was young.
I was a tight wound child on my own accord. It was nothing my parents had done they were always supportive and positive. I was just always wanting to be the best and look the best at everything I did. So needless to say, I know the potential was there for me to have created a scene.
My parents both laughed harder which in turn made me look at the situation with humor and I realized that I was just making it worse by not accepting that in my excitement to devour the cone I had created a humorous situation at “my own expense”.
Once I realized how nice it was seeing my parents laugh. I couldn’t contain my joy and joined in on the laughter. Now at that age, and just how I was, I had the capability to create a tense and embarrassing situation for myself and my parents by throwing a fit because the people I loved were laughing at me.
I realized that while they love me I had done something that not only looked hilarious to them, but continually reaffirmed that what I had done was just cute to them. We continued to have a great day and it was a story I was sharing and continue to share this day.
Looking back I had 2 mind sets or as I call it my ‘vict’ in a short period of time. One was what I call the ‘im’ mentality (or a victim mentality) which would have just compounded the situation creating a more embarrassing moment leading to a potential ‘sass’ moment allowing disrespect towards my parents and embarrassing everyone in the restaurant and creating strife within our lives that day. We all have been a part of or witnessed a situation like this in a public setting and know the potential feeling it can emote. Which in turn would cause me to potentially lose that great memory I created with my parents, but more importantly to lose out on a lesson I carried through life. Not to mention a great visit to Gettysburg. Where my love for Abe Lincoln only grew.
The second was what I call my ‘or’ mentality (if you haven’t caught on which I know you have my victor mentality) which was believing they loved me and they were having fun with me and not at me. They loved me either way and were enjoying my company and I could have looked a total fool, but they wanted me around above all else. No matter what I did to look the fool they would not trade me for any other person in the world. This story, though I may not have understood at the time, got me through many rough patches worrying about what other people thought I was doing.
Today I know that there are many people who love me just the way I am and I have that mainly because I respect them for who they are. I am able to do things today others may seem weird, but my friends and family chalk it up to just being me. Even if it’s a mistake they know it’s not malicious because that’s not who I am. I’ve trained myself over many years to intentionally try to not be malicious and to try and put others above myself (though I have fallen short at times). There are times it’s rough, but that brief moment out ways the long term pleasure I receive from the right choices.
I encourage everyone to take time and to start to repair any situation by only looking at what you did wrong in it. Not to say others weren’t wrong in some capacity within the situation, but we can’t control them only ourselves. I couldn’t control my parents laughter, but I could join in and see the good or if they had meant it maliciously I could have stepped away and calmed down. Either way I had a choice to be the victim or the victor. I know we all have the capability of not only bettering our lives, but the lives around us by just taking the moment to analyze ourselves first before placing assumptions on others.

Hope

The victor mindset is based in hope. When we lose hope we lose the foundation and the tool that makes us great. People will call it false hope. People will call it pipe dreams. Don’t blame them they just don’t understand. They’ve either lost it, don’t want it, or they never had it. Similar to those that don’t
If this stirs something up inside that’s good. Grab that and hold onto it. It’s the necessity to becoming a victor. It’s the one thing that others cannot physically take from you without your permission. They have to tear everything you’ve built up in order to remove your foundation. It’s also the thing you’re going to build your life around and on that won’t always be remembered. How often do you remember your house, TV, walls, family, and everything else that you see in your home is standing on.
Now how you build this foundation is how your house will stand. If you build it on a philosophy that is sound and on a culture that thrives then you’ve built your foundation on solid ground. If you build on things such as vengeance and fear these are things you have to feed and tend in order for your foundation to stand.
I try to see the brilliance in anyone and everyone. They may not always exercise it or use it, but I try my best to see it. I may not know you personally, but I know for a fact there are two things you can do. There’s something you can do that no one else can or there’s a way of doing it that no one else can. You may not see it, but you feel it. You may not know it, but you sense it. You may or may not know what it is, but it’s there.
I challenge all of you to start hoping. Remember their a few things to remember with hope. The first is that similar to waters on a river bank people will go against your hope and erode at it to where you it can be shook. Similar there are those that will help and protect this hope. The key is while you can’t always stop the water you can surround yourselves with those that can minimize it’s damage.
The next thing I would like you to understand is that we all have hope as long as we are breathing. Every breath is a hope of another day and as long as we have hope the next breath is a gift. As a mighty oak can be cut down as long as we have roots in this world we have hope for another sprout to grow and rebuild.
Finally hope can be guided in one of 2 ways for better or for worse. This is the key that not everyone gets. We live in a society that can have a tendency to scoff at this thought, but deep down we all know it to be true. For better focuses on benefitting others and for worse focuses on hindering others. A lot of times we can hinder others by focusing on yourself.
There are a lot of things I’m excited to share with everyone. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to ask or comment the only way I can grow is to know.

Goals

In my life I have learned that 90% of what has happened to me, both good and bad, has come from my mentality. I would say that looking at every situation in the right light with the right mind set there is not a situation that has defeated me. From drug addiction to death I have been blessed to be given the tools to overcome these situations and turned them to positive victories in my life. While I had some guides to conquer these issues I ventured through these without too much help other than my own mindset. My goal is to share with everyone this mindset and views to help others come through this with less pain and more success than I have. I would like to warn most I am not perfect and this topic is one, that I’ve found’ is most liked to be discussed, but fewest actually liked to be corrected. Not everyone will like my point of view, but I promise it works. It has for me and my friends and I want everyone that is willing to, to replace the ‘im’ with the ‘or’ in what I like to call the ‘vict’ or in other words your mindset. So please feel free to ask and share and I want us to grow together in being victors.