Tag Archives: children

My First Victim vs Victor Situation

These stories may seem silly, but some of these may be relatable for you from my life. However more so they can and will give you insite into the mistakes I’ve made along the way. This may seem a superficial, but as you read it I promise you that each situation I laugh at now looking back at them even small ones has made an impact in my life.
My first situation was one that I remember being so upset about at the time, but shortly after I found it rather hilarious and it was my first lesson in learning to not take my looks and what others thought at face value and as well not so seriously.
When I was about 7 or 8 we were visiting family in Pennsylvania we stopped by a McDonalds and got me an ice cream cone. While eating the cone I had gotten some on my chin and my loving parents broke out laughing uncontrollably in the restaurant which made me red faced as I had no idea why my parents were laughing at me. I got extremely angry and without thinking blurted out, what I thought was, a witty retort. It wasn’t at all, but then again I was young.
I was a tight wound child on my own accord. It was nothing my parents had done they were always supportive and positive. I was just always wanting to be the best and look the best at everything I did. So needless to say, I know the potential was there for me to have created a scene.
My parents both laughed harder which in turn made me look at the situation with humor and I realized that I was just making it worse by not accepting that in my excitement to devour the cone I had created a humorous situation at “my own expense”.
Once I realized how nice it was seeing my parents laugh. I couldn’t contain my joy and joined in on the laughter. Now at that age, and just how I was, I had the capability to create a tense and embarrassing situation for myself and my parents by throwing a fit because the people I loved were laughing at me.
I realized that while they love me I had done something that not only looked hilarious to them, but continually reaffirmed that what I had done was just cute to them. We continued to have a great day and it was a story I was sharing and continue to share this day.
Looking back I had 2 mind sets or as I call it my ‘vict’ in a short period of time. One was what I call the ‘im’ mentality (or a victim mentality) which would have just compounded the situation creating a more embarrassing moment leading to a potential ‘sass’ moment allowing disrespect towards my parents and embarrassing everyone in the restaurant and creating strife within our lives that day. We all have been a part of or witnessed a situation like this in a public setting and know the potential feeling it can emote. Which in turn would cause me to potentially lose that great memory I created with my parents, but more importantly to lose out on a lesson I carried through life. Not to mention a great visit to Gettysburg. Where my love for Abe Lincoln only grew.
The second was what I call my ‘or’ mentality (if you haven’t caught on which I know you have my victor mentality) which was believing they loved me and they were having fun with me and not at me. They loved me either way and were enjoying my company and I could have looked a total fool, but they wanted me around above all else. No matter what I did to look the fool they would not trade me for any other person in the world. This story, though I may not have understood at the time, got me through many rough patches worrying about what other people thought I was doing.
Today I know that there are many people who love me just the way I am and I have that mainly because I respect them for who they are. I am able to do things today others may seem weird, but my friends and family chalk it up to just being me. Even if it’s a mistake they know it’s not malicious because that’s not who I am. I’ve trained myself over many years to intentionally try to not be malicious and to try and put others above myself (though I have fallen short at times). There are times it’s rough, but that brief moment out ways the long term pleasure I receive from the right choices.
I encourage everyone to take time and to start to repair any situation by only looking at what you did wrong in it. Not to say others weren’t wrong in some capacity within the situation, but we can’t control them only ourselves. I couldn’t control my parents laughter, but I could join in and see the good or if they had meant it maliciously I could have stepped away and calmed down. Either way I had a choice to be the victim or the victor. I know we all have the capability of not only bettering our lives, but the lives around us by just taking the moment to analyze ourselves first before placing assumptions on others.