Tag Archives: success

If I Don’t Leave I Lose

Who knows what waits for anyone over the threshold of our front door? Ok, I leave through my garage with a push of a button. The first line sounded more dramatic. Either way what did you imagine in your mind after reading the first line?
Was it as simple as a twisted ankle taking the first step or was it grandiose horror such as opening the door to find all existence completely vanished other than your house?

If you were like me about 6 years ago then it was somewhere in between these such as failure at work, friendship, etc. Now this may come as a surprise to some, but it could be the house has been transported to another dimension where you are king (or queen) ruling with a gentle hand to loving subjects or maybe just the hope of a 5 dollar bill laying in wait just under the doormat blown there mysteriously by the wind. Somewhere between the king and the 5 dollars is where I am now.

I use to wake up and put on my shoes, sip my diet coke (my version of coffee), let the dog out, and take a deep breath and pray the beating I was about to receive from life would end quickly as I returned from my day to the safety of my home. For me this was caused by a couple of things. My health and my mind set (my ‘vict’). It was set to failure and misery before I even left so it should be no surprise when failure found me. Heck, I was looking for it.

I thought of shutting myself into sameness and predictability, but I realized that if I don’t leave I already loss. I can’t grow if I don’t go.

Then I realized I would attempt to hold onto one good thing all day. By doing this I found it easier to leave the sameness of my house. For me I started with a smile from one person. I looked for it I searched for it and 9 times out of 10 I got it from the first person I would see. That person was the girl behind the register that I stopped to see every morning as I got my breakfast. Till one day she asked me a simple question, “Why are you always smiling?” To which I told her “I didn’t realize I was.” She proceeded to thank me for making her smile and it dawned on me that I was smiling with anticipation that they would smile back. Because of that she smiled.

This whole time I was acting shut off and in turn I was shutting everyone else off. So next I thought I would try a “Good Morning.” I found myself saying it before others would even offer it then in turn I got it back 9 times out of 10.

From there I let my victor grow reset my mindset to the positive and before you knew it I was leaving the house confident in my success and the impending adventures that would await.

I’m not saying there aren’t bad days because there are. To be honest I just don’t notice them as much as I do the good days and it started with one foot out the garage. So I challenge you before grabbing that handle or pushing that button to change your determination of a catastrophe endurance to an onslaught of possibility. Even if it’s as small as anticipating a smile.

There are plenty of people telling you evil awaits around the corner. I encourage you to be the one to shine the light of possibility on that mythological boogie man and show others there is nothing to be scared of behind the closed door. If you don’t leave then you’ve already lost.

Remember to keep your ‘vict’ set to ‘or’ rather than ‘om’!


We Are The Champions, My Friend…

This Queen song is one of my favorites and it fits perfectly with the Victor mentality. Often times we just want to get the Championship ring just for stepping on the field.


Unfortunately, if you’ve ever played a sport, been in a pageant, or taken a breathe, then you probably realize that it doesn’t work that way.

You practice showmanship, basic functions, speeches, relationships, etc. on a daily basis and most the time you get it wrong, but the more you mess up the more you have the potential to learn.

Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Outliers” explores this thought, and more, with research and is a good read in my opinion. He states that it takes roughly ten thousand hours to master a particular field.

He outlines many different fields and well known icons that you never would have known spent that much time practicing to get where they are.

The truth is that no matter what your dream or what you imagine. The only person stopping you is you.

Queen’s lyrics continue with, “…and we’ll keep on fighting till the end.” It’s true you can’t stop. Even as a champion it only gets harder. You’ve set a new bar or a new standard. This means others will now know it’s possible.

It will become easier for them and harder for you. You will make mistakes as the lyrics suggest, he’s made a few. Others will come at you similar to as they tell you about sand being kicked in faces. However, you’ll come through.

Now I by no means preach Queen, but I do enjoy this and other songs as over played as this one may be at times, even today. Though it still has a great message to take from it.

Champions aren’t born through natural birth though it may seem that way at times. They are forged through mistakes, trials, failures, disabilities, and sometimes triumphs.

The only thing separating a victim and a victor as I describe them is on pushes on and the other stops.

To put it into perspective. For an average forty hour work week ten thousand hours is approximately four years, nine months, twenty five days, fourteen hours, and forty six minutes.

In 2009 I believe there was a study showing that men lived to be 76 on average in the US. That’s 15 possibilities to apply 10,000 hours towards mastering something by just 8 hours a day every day of your life. Women you live to be 81 according to this study so after he’s gone you can master something else at 8 hours a day.

There are endless possibilities if you apply yourself. I’d like to write a book and though I may be far from that at this stage in the game of “mastery” I believe these blogs in my free time will help me to achieve that goal as well as to hopefully help others achieve theirs along the way.

Thank you everyone that reads this blog and thank you for supporting my attempted mastery of not only the english language, but also of teaching and sharing. I hope you not only enjoy reading this, but take something positive from the posts.


Victims of Circumstance

Ever ask yourself why me? Ever wonder why you feel like the victim of circumstance? I know I have.


I use to see people and wonder why they always seemed to be at the right place at the right time. I never could seem to get it right. If I was not in the wrong place at the wrong time I seemed to be at the right place at the wrong time or visa versa.

Trust me I get it. Just saying that makes my head spinning less thinking about it. That is till one day someone asked me why I always seemed to be at the right place at the right time at work. After laughing I asked what he was talking about. He went on to explain that I seemed to always know when something was about to go wrong at work.

Now to explain I am in the construction industry, and with as many horror stories I have heard or seen, I’m proud to say very little has actually happened to me or any of the crews I was over seeing when I was in the field. Especially since I’m in the electrical industry.

I told him it wasn’t luck I just knew when something didn’t look right or was in the wrong place to potentially cause an accident. I went on to explain I had just gathered the information over the years by many facets.

That got me thinking that while I didn’t see it as luck it appeared as luck to him because he didn’t know what I knew it just appeared effortless to him. Now to my friends who have worked with me over the years they knew I had my fair share of zaps.

I took that and started looking into other areas of my life. Such as relationships, finances, fitness, etc. I realized that while it may appear that the Quarterback on the field in the Super Bowl was in the right place at the right time he actually had been through his share of sacks to get there. The same was true with my work.

So I started to apply what I knew about how I got to where I appeared in the right place at the right time to other, less successful, endeavors in my life.

Here’s what I found to be the keys to my success at work and has since helped me to continue to grow in other areas that needed work.

I learned that basically I found out where to be and when to be there at work by generally two methods. The first being trial and error. The second was by being taught and applying the teachings. There are different ways that each of these appeared which I’ll dive into further later, but basically these are the two general categories each fall under.

It sounds simple enough, but you’ll be surprised if you actually analyzed your situations in the past that how often you tend to make the same mistakes over and over. As they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Now there are multiple levels and plenty of embarrassing stories I will share that will go deeper into these points. However, I challenge you to look at the areas where you want improvement and do the following things.

First look at one if your biggest set backs (I call them set backs and not failures. You only fail when you stop working at something) find a situation in your past with similar results and analyze what you did wrong. Don’t point the finger at someone else this isn’t that time yet. Just first look at these situations and find the common denominators.

A good example for you to look at in your life is relationships as a trial run. You may be married with kids now, but I can assure you that most of you have had a failure once or twice. Either way you can use the same principles in any area. Weight loss, financial ruin, the list goes on. I will use my embarrassment of a marriage and another relationship to guide this point through.

So my common denominator in both my failed marriage and long term relationship at one time was me and them cheating on me with my best friends (different friends) both times.

Now these were the obvious denominators and I naturally blamed them the first time on my marriage, but when the same thing happened again just two years later in my only other long term relationship since my marriage. I grew up on the saying fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me so I had to question was it them or me.

To clarify this incident took place around the same time as my epiphany of right place at the right time. So by past experience I learned that this lightning shouldn’t strike twice. So I sat my girlfriend, at the time, down and asked what I had done to make her feel like that was an option. After she picked her jaw up she continued to tell me how she felt. That I was emotionally unavailable and that she felt deep down inside that maybe this would get an emotion from me.

Now she and I agreed that was not the right way to go about that and I can tell you she’s not that type of person and has never done that since. I know because we are still friends. I could never trust her like that again in a girlfriend capacity, but she is a good person and friend.

So next I called my ex wife. She pretty much gave me the same speech and again we both agreed it was not the right approach, but never the less it was done. Now I can say that, after 3 years of not talking, my ex-wife and I are also still friends and pretty much family still to this day. She too has not done that to anyone else since.

I would like to point out that those so called friends are not around and refused to talk to me or I’d share why they thought that was ok. To be honest I think it was an opportunity in their favor at that moment and they took it. I do want you to realize that is my opinion.

After talking to both of them I analyzed which of my friends and family told me what in each situation. As I look there were clear warning signs from others trying to help me that I ignored in both relationships. Those are the ones I have counted on for advice to this day. I have not always taken it, but I have stopped to weigh their words before proceeding with certain things especially relationships.

In both cases I was taught and can say that, while I may still be in search of the right one, the particular situation has never happened to me again. Mainly because I learned not only by going through the situation, but taking guidance from others in proven marriages as to what to do, what to look for, how to act, etc.

The bottom line is if you want to succeed in fitness, trial and error combined with the teachings of someone physically fit will help set you up to be in the right place at the right time in physical prowess.

If you want to succeed in your career trial and error combined with the teachings of someone who’s in the position you want will prepare you for being in the right place at the right time in your career.

If it’s success in financial and spiritual growth the same things are true. I know because after failure in most these areas combining these principles in my life in these areas I have seen substantial growth. It started hard, but after training and practicing these in situations I have started to progress more effortlessly by habit.

If you’re like me trial and error may be the only way that makes sense at times, but I promise you that the easiest way is through learning from someone who has made those mistakes in the past and has learned from them.

I still think it’s good to put your own trial and error into things as well and that is because you never know what could happen and though others have failed does not mean you will fail. Just make sure you do it calculated and maybe one toe in the water at a time. The more you know about yours and others personalities, past experiences, and future goals then the more you can know how you want to proceed.

This all goes deeper and I plan on breaking it down further in the future, but I promise that these are good exercises to start you off. Who knows you may learn more than I know by looking at these. I encourage you to share comments to help myself and other readers grow and to become victors more so than we already are.


The victor mindset is based in hope. When we lose hope we lose the foundation and the tool that makes us great. People will call it false hope. People will call it pipe dreams. Don’t blame them they just don’t understand. They’ve either lost it, don’t want it, or they never had it. Similar to those that don’t
If this stirs something up inside that’s good. Grab that and hold onto it. It’s the necessity to becoming a victor. It’s the one thing that others cannot physically take from you without your permission. They have to tear everything you’ve built up in order to remove your foundation. It’s also the thing you’re going to build your life around and on that won’t always be remembered. How often do you remember your house, TV, walls, family, and everything else that you see in your home is standing on.
Now how you build this foundation is how your house will stand. If you build it on a philosophy that is sound and on a culture that thrives then you’ve built your foundation on solid ground. If you build on things such as vengeance and fear these are things you have to feed and tend in order for your foundation to stand.
I try to see the brilliance in anyone and everyone. They may not always exercise it or use it, but I try my best to see it. I may not know you personally, but I know for a fact there are two things you can do. There’s something you can do that no one else can or there’s a way of doing it that no one else can. You may not see it, but you feel it. You may not know it, but you sense it. You may or may not know what it is, but it’s there.
I challenge all of you to start hoping. Remember their a few things to remember with hope. The first is that similar to waters on a river bank people will go against your hope and erode at it to where you it can be shook. Similar there are those that will help and protect this hope. The key is while you can’t always stop the water you can surround yourselves with those that can minimize it’s damage.
The next thing I would like you to understand is that we all have hope as long as we are breathing. Every breath is a hope of another day and as long as we have hope the next breath is a gift. As a mighty oak can be cut down as long as we have roots in this world we have hope for another sprout to grow and rebuild.
Finally hope can be guided in one of 2 ways for better or for worse. This is the key that not everyone gets. We live in a society that can have a tendency to scoff at this thought, but deep down we all know it to be true. For better focuses on benefitting others and for worse focuses on hindering others. A lot of times we can hinder others by focusing on yourself.
There are a lot of things I’m excited to share with everyone. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to ask or comment the only way I can grow is to know.


In my life I have learned that 90% of what has happened to me, both good and bad, has come from my mentality. I would say that looking at every situation in the right light with the right mind set there is not a situation that has defeated me. From drug addiction to death I have been blessed to be given the tools to overcome these situations and turned them to positive victories in my life. While I had some guides to conquer these issues I ventured through these without too much help other than my own mindset. My goal is to share with everyone this mindset and views to help others come through this with less pain and more success than I have. I would like to warn most I am not perfect and this topic is one, that I’ve found’ is most liked to be discussed, but fewest actually liked to be corrected. Not everyone will like my point of view, but I promise it works. It has for me and my friends and I want everyone that is willing to, to replace the ‘im’ with the ‘or’ in what I like to call the ‘vict’ or in other words your mindset. So please feel free to ask and share and I want us to grow together in being victors.